November 7, 2010

The Pit

Its always a sickening feeling when you have to come to the realization that you have or are being used. Its the pit in the bottom of your stomach feeling, you don't really want to admit to yourself that you were that stupid. From the start, there are ALWAYS signs - big, huge, flashing ones - saying DANGER AHEAD and yet we persevere, well I do - thinking that it will be different - I won't fall into the trap, I'll scoot around the outside, fully aware of the situation.

But then something happens, all those signs get washed away or disappear behind the bloom of someone new with shared views maybe. A friendship begins SO when does it change from helping a friend to being used or starting a friendship with someone that you later find out was just a little lonely at the time and you were just a filler until their preferred social network started to take shape? Does the length of the friendship/relationship count? Is it after a certain numbers of days it changes from new friends to friends that you help out or is it the amount of time you spend together, length of phone calls/emails etc? Is there some sort of scientific equation or graph!

But then the flip side is if they are your friend, are they using you or are you helping out a friend, wanting them to succeed, happy to help them with contacts or meeting people? When is it using?


La Belette Rouge said...

When I am done with Kelly Valen's book I will loan it to you. I know that pit feeling and it sucks to feel it. I am sorry you know this feeling too.

Hannah Stephenson said...

I think, if you are freely giving support, then you aren't being used. However, it doesn't mean that the other person has earned your support/energy.

Speaking up keeps relationships healthy.

So Lovely said...

Darling LBR and Hannah - thank you for your responses - you're always so incredibly supportive and have a different view on things, which I really appreciate. There's always room for discussion.

Wzzy said...

Being used is like pornography, isn't it, in that you can't really define it, but know it when you see it? The give and take in any relationship will ebb and flow. But if you feel that the balance is ebbing too far for too long in one direction, you should pay attention to you gut.

Or, if it's a relationship you want to preserve, have a frank discussion and share your feelings as Hannah suggests. It could come down to personality and style, and the other person might be mortified to learn how his/her behavior comes off.


So Lovely said...

Wzzy: I wrote this post to support a friend dealing with this. Its just so unnecessary but am always interested in others views.

Maya • Fashion Illustration blog said...

Just discovered you through Liberty London Girl. Love your words. :-)))


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