May 15, 2009

To reply or not to reply -


Sorry but I am dragging my soap box out again.  It hasn't come out in a while and it needs an airing.

I spent about 9 months reading blogs, mostly in the design world before venturing out in the blogsphere with my own, almost a year ago.  I had mainly read design blogs as they were vastly different from what I do on a daily basis so therefore an escape but also something that I've always loved.  When younger I dreamed of going to the Inchbald School of Interior Design in London until I found out how much the tuition was, literally an arm and a two legs.  There was also an intimidation to write a blog solely based on writing as I am not a trained writer and as you can see from "my lengthy hiatus" I don't have that writing muscle honed.  

So there was one blog in particular that had everything I loved re. design - mid Century (or Middle Century as one of my sister's friends refers to it as), op art, vintage, flea market finds etc.  Without knowing it, she had inspired to me to start a blog.  Of course I'm the dweeby perfectionist who bought several books on how to write a blog (I read the first chapter of one and then was over that).  So I plucked up the courage to send her an email basically thank her for being a design blog pioneer and an inspiration to me.  I didn't feel it was over-stalkerish, just honest.  It didn't say "please read my blog and post my link on yours"....

To this day I have heard nothing, nada, zip...not even a quick "thanks so much"-that was last August so am not holding my breath.  I must be honest, in the last 6 months or so I have veered away from my some of my daily-read design blogs as have found a few to be a little ostentatious.  One "old" one did catch my eye recently, as she had just traveled to where I grew up.  Lovely photos were posted on her blog and she'd written about her trip there.  It brought back memories and I was propelled to email her (who knows why as I should have learnt by now)- just a quick email of gratitude, letting her know that her photos were lovely, nothing overly gushy or freakish.

That was about 3 weeks ago, again nothing, NOT A PEEP and she's one of those bloggers who continually posts gushy thanks to her readers and how grateful she is that they stop by.  Well I won't be stopping by again and please bear in mind these are not huge design blogs with an enormous amount of followers.  I'm sure to some this all sounds a bit pedantic and brattish, and in the grand scheme of things I won't be losing sleep but I do find it a little rude.  Am I alone in thinking that these bloggers are a little clueless?

28 comments:

La Belette Rouge said...

I would feel a little wounded. If anyone emails me about my blog I write back. When I started blogging I wrote to the two bloggers that inspired me to thank them and both wrote me back and one was kind enough to share my blog with her readers.

I hope that this blogger you wrote to is not being intentionally rude. Maybe it got into her spam or maybe she put it into a "to-respond" to file and lost track of it or maybe?

Hey, why not go to the Inchbald School of Interior Design now? It's never too late.

soodie :: said...

I'd feel wounded too. But either try one more email or just... walk away. You have a lot of other people interested in you and supporting you.

So Lovely said...

LBR: Not intentionally rude, just clueless I think. I have received many email about my blog and always email back - I just think its good manners and makes for a kinder blogging world.

So Lovely said...

Soodie: Lovely one, no more emails to those sorts of people. I was emailing the latest one in support of her post. Not wounded at all, just trying to figure out if I am the only one that finds it exceptionally rude.

parlezvouskiwi said...

I feel so flattered if someone takes the time to email me about my blog, that I would never think of not responding. I completely understand where you are coming from. Make sure you dont take it personally though with these particular people. :-)

Metropolitan Mum said...

Hi there. Lovely blog you have!
I tend to be optimistic and expect people to be nice in the first place, i.e. maybe she is ill/she is travelling/swamped by work... If nothing of the above applies, I am afraid you are right: it's just outright rude.

So Lovely said...

Parlezvouskiwi: Thank you for dropping by. I don't take it personally. I have met some of the most gracious bloggers out there so these are just two, of a huge bunch. Just don't understand the lack of courtesy.

So Lovely said...

Metropolitan Mum: Lovely to see you, so glad you enjoy my ramblings. I would completely understand if she was swamped by work but this is not a big blog and she seems to have the strength to update everyday so.....who knows.

corine said...

Oh yeah, it's happened to me many times. And I used to think it was rude. But now I get too many emails and being quite disorganized I'm way over my head, so i'm sure I'm the one who becomes rude at times.

PS it wasn't me.. was it?

So Lovely said...

Corine: You're so funny. No its not you! I just love the different perspectives.xo

Mrs Trefusis... said...

I do know what you mean, and given that the blogosphere (and twitterverse too, I've discovered) is generally very warm, friendly and giving, one hopes that it's unintentional, and she's been meaning to reply for ages, and yet somehow it's escaped her.
I'm grateful to her - if she hadn't inspired you to try blogging for yourself, I'd never have been able to visit your lovely blog, which is always such a treat. xx

Mrs Trefusis... said...

I do know what you mean, and given that the blogosphere (and twitterverse too, I've discovered) is generally very warm, friendly and giving, one hopes that it's unintentional, and she's been meaning to reply for ages, and yet somehow it's escaped her.
I'm grateful to her - if she hadn't inspired you to try blogging for yourself, I'd never have been able to visit your lovely blog, which is always such a treat. xx

Clare said...

I agree your blog is 'so lovely'. Some people just plain old rude. Weird thing is, you are a very supportive warm person who has taken the time to read even my mundane ramblings! It seems 'karma' hasn't caught up with these 'design' types yet.

exromana said...

i am sure she is grateful, dont fret. my sister has a blog and she is so inundated with her emails / queries from her blog readers, that she feels totally overwhelmed. she is an undegrad and yet trying to write a blog on a weekly basis- feels she cant keep up. i know that if she doesnt respond, it is because it has slipped her mind; not bec she is not grateful or doeesnt want to answer a reader's q. take solace in that-am sure anyone would be happy to receive a thank you message. i obtained my first job bec of someone who mentored me- i wrote to thank him before embarking on a new job in another country. he never wrote back- but when i met him after 6 years he gave me the heartiest hug. so please dont feel bad and let it get you down.

http said...

Like the others, I would like to hope these bloggers were simply side-tracked. That being said, forgetting for 3+ weeks when someone has gone out of their way to make you feel good about yourself when they didn't need to is inexcusable. It's very special when someone takes the time out to praise your work. These are the relationships a blogger should nurture, after all, a blog is written for the public, not for oneself.

Don't be disheartened, though. As I can see from all the comments there are many out there who are not only privy to blog etiquette, but also thoughtful enough to care for their followers. It is these kinds of people for which we write our blogs :)

Liberty London Girl said...

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I receive an extraordinary volume of correspondence (ooh get me) &, whilst it may take me a while to get around to logging onto my blog email account and replying, I do reply to EVERYONE eventually.

I'm feeling partic peeved today on another courtesy issue: a blog written by a real world friend whom, I suspect, only really discovered blogging through me, and which I have supported on LLG, both through a dedicated post, Twitter love and linkage, has deleted its blogroll link to LLG. I am deeply unamused. But unsure how to bring it up without looking solipsistic.

I suppose because I tend to go out of my way to support other bloggers, I tend to expect the same kind of courtesy in return. My fault I guess for having unreal expectations. LLGxx

So Lovely said...

Mrs Trefusis: very simply, not only are you lovely, but are a treat also. xo

So Lovely said...

Clare: I do hate to pigeon hole the design world. One of my lovely friends is an amazing and extremely qualified interior designer and antiques appraiser. These rude bloggers (who are not qualified) give her industry a bad name, She is the epitome of graciousness and courtesy.

So Lovely said...

exromana: ciao bella, comme stai: I do feel that communication comes hand in hand with blogging. I always reply to emails, comments etc. Its not so much that I feel personally slighted but that if I can own my own company, travel for work continuously and still send a quick thank you email then so should anyone. Thank you for stopping by as I am always open to new POV's.

Linda/"Mom" said...

* Hi! I think you have a VERY valid point, & totally understand where you are coming from (even if I DON'T have a blog~ & actually, the FEAR/HORROR of NOT being able to "keep up" is one of the few REASONS why I don't! ~Perfectionism is an awful thing to have to live with! Accckkk!!!~).

If one assumes your E-Ms were received, then I suspect their MOTHERS did NOT teach them the proper manners/social graces/ COMMON COURTESIES of "the civilized"!. Period. And SHAME ON THEM!!! (ANNND, THEN, shame on the person who does NOT take it upon him/herself to LEARN these if they WEREN'T taught to them by others!!!).

Soooo, "HARUMPH!"~~~ I hear ya & I'm with ya, y friend!

Best,
Linda in AZ *

littlebrownbird said...

It's the little things that count. Acknowledging that someone took the time to read your blog and comment is just good manners. Just like writing thank you notes or sending a thank you e-mail. Don't reply.Time to moev on.

Margarita said...

You post made me smirk a little at the ego of those particular bloggers. There are more than a few that hold themselves up to some kind of celebrity status and can't possibly bring themselves to hit the "reply" button and type out the words "Thank You". It's horrible.

Anytime anyone emails me for anything, I make sure to reply. It's the only polite thing to do. They're your readers. Without them the blogs wouldn't exist.

http://fab.typepad.com

pve design said...

oh, how sad and not so lovely. I have encountered so many wonderful blogs and supporters. Connecting or making an impression for another blogger or reader is so incredibly valuable to me.
Perhaps the e-mail did not arrive? Try again, 3rd time is charm.
I would reply. Pronto!
pve

mothership said...

Oh, very hurtful! I hate that. I suspect it is probably nothing personal and due to the scattiness of the blogger and/or spam folder/life chaos of the person involved - probably be horrified to learn what they have done, but this does not stop it from being rather rude. Nonetheless I am v. glad that you were inspired to blog in the first place as I love reading your posts.
xo

So Lovely said...

Linda/"Mom": my sentiments exactly. Are you sure you shouldn't start a blog. You are very wise. Thank you for stopping by.

So Lovely said...

littlebrownbird: You are so right. Now I actually think its funny as the first blogger I emailed was almost a year ago. Lovely to "see" you.

So Lovely said...

Margarita: hi, brilliant point. Many bloggers rely on the amount of hits they get so as to make blogging profitable. But I feel that if you are not warmly welcomed, you will probably not be back.

Lisa Borgnes Giramonti said...

No, you're totally not wrong to feel wounded, but I'm in the "Perhaps she/he meant to write you back and lost track of it" camp. I may have unintentionally done the same thing once or twice, and believe me, if I have, I feel horrible about it! Getting a kind email about one's blog is so uplifting, but sometimes the phone is ringing and my son is shouting and I am forced to make a mental reminder to email them back when things are calmer. But because of your post, I will go through my "inbox" now and see if I've accidentally neglected to thank someone!